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Here's a classic... Mr. global warming's scientific interpretation of safety rule number one.


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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Not a cartoon, but something I thought was amusing. Here are a few things that are ARE good about McCain:


10. Independents love him, so they must know something we don't with how smart they think they are.

9. Since he has military combat experience, instead of getting the tiresome chickenhawk argument from liberals, we'll get the newer, more interesting "being in the military made him crazy!" argument.

8. Reportedly, he's very conservative on social issues... though he never likes to admit it in public so don't bring it up.

7. He is very solid on winning in Iraq. In fact, the whole quitting on Vietnam thing pissed him off so much he'll to this day strangle anyone who brings it up.

6. There's even less evidence he's secretly a Muslim than the next leading presidential candidate.

5. He is reportedly quite comfortable around crackers and *******.

4. He still openly identifies himself as a Republican.

3. His name is very similar to that of the hero from Die Hard.

2. There is no credible evidence he puts puppies in blenders.

And the number one great things about John McCain...

1. He's almost 1.5% less liberal than the Democratic candidates!

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That brings to mind:

Leela: Don't let their identical DNA fool you. While they might sound the same, they differ on some key issues.
Jack Johnson: It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say: "I'm against those things that everybody hates".
John Jackson: Now I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man but, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said!
Fry: These are the candidates? They sound like clones. [He looks a little harder.] Wait a minute. They are clones!
Leela: Don't let their identical DNA fool you. They differ on some key issues.
Jack Johnson: I say your three cent titanium tax goes too far.
John Jackson: And I say your three cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough!
Fry: If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown.

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Are you a Democrat, Republican or-a-*******?

Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following situation and question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Glock 40 cal, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so d eserted?
We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier,
healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing!
I need to discuss with some friends over a latte and try to come to a consensus.

Republican's Answer:


*******'s Answer:


(sounds of reloading).


Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or
Hollow Points?"

Son: "You got him Pop! Can I shoot the next one?"

Wife: "You are not taking that to the Taxidermist!"

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ian husford said:
Are you a Democrat, Republican or-a-*******?
I saw a variant of this on OCDO that added "Libertarian" to the mix. It went something like:

Libertarian: BANG! BANG! ... BANG!
Wife: It's a good thing you practice those armor defeating drills!

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3,079 Posts
Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Barack Obama - SuperPatriot

Barack Obama is going on the offensive against a scurrilous whisper-campaign engineered by the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy and their willing accomplices in the Murdoch/Limbaugh-controlled Conservative Media. There's no need to question Obama's patriotism. Proof of his devotion to America lies below:

12. Pinned a flag lapel pin to his grandmother and the Rev. Wright before throwing them under the bus.

11. Anything that big-knockered chicks make videos about is patriotic by definition.

10. Recites the Pledge of Allegiance when joining his former domestic terrorist friends at flag-burnings.

9. Doesn't make unpatriotic hissing noises when talking through his dentures like McCain does.

8. Trying to give America the same health care system as England & Canada is like super-triple-international patriotism!

7. Will make English the official language of all unconditional negotiations with terrorists.

6. Open-minded and tolerant of all belief systems, even those that don't recognize all 57 states.

5. He believes, like most patriotic Americans, that Hillary Clinton eats babies and craps pure evil.

4. "Hussein" might not sound patriotic, but at least it lacks the 'don't ask, don't tell' flavor of "Sidney".

3. He doesn't flip-flop on issues, he does the "Patriot Pirouette".

2. Questioning his patriotism makes you a racist, so knock it off, racist!

1. "God **** America" is an affectionate term.

Obama didn't put his hand over his heart because this flag wasn't big enough to symbolize HIS patriotism

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3,079 Posts
Discussion Starter · #17 ·
OK, here's another one. I just wanted to mention that I don't like McCain, but I absolutely don't like Obama, so...

It's kinda crazy Obama has people out like Wes Clark attacking the usefulness of McCain's military career in judging his fitness to be president. Clark says its not the right experience, but as compared to what military experience Obama has? How he once saw a blimp?

You'd think Obama surrogates would do everything they can to do avoid the topic of experience and never mention the concept of how time spent at some activities can be used to speculate one's success at future activities of a similar nature. Instead, they should be trying to bring up stories about how a cat once dialed 911 to save its owner.

"There was nothing in that cat's history to indicate it knew how to operate a phone or what an emergency number is, but still that cat did what was needed when it was time to act. Similarly, Obama should be able to be president. Sure, he has never dialed 911 before -- he doesn't like to get involved -- but most would agree he's smarter than a cat."

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
You Should Vote for Me
An Editorial by Senator Barack Obama

I'm Barack Obama! I'm running for president. You should vote for me. I'm a new politician. Remember when M&Ms came out with blue M&Ms and you ran to the store yelling, "Yay! A brand new candy!"? Well, I'm just like that. I'm a brand new politician. I promise hope and change. No politician has ever promised that before. Also, my opponent is not new. I think pretty much everyone agrees he is a very old politician. Also, he might get angry and hit you. I heard that somewhere.

But know what makes me newest and bestest? This is a secret, so you can't tell anyone. Do you promise you'll keep this just between you and me? You promise? Okay, here it is...

I agree with you on everything!

Just you, though. If anyone else with different viewpoints than you thinks I agree with him, then he just read an inartful statement made by my stupid staff who are always screwing things up. I don't want to hurt that guy's feelings, though, so let's keep that I really agree with you on everything between you and me.

With how much I agree with you, you really should vote for me. What? You don't believe me? That makes me sad. Didn't you hear how I'm a new politician? The kind that agrees with you on everything? I'll prove it to you. What's the issue most important to you? Go ahead and say it out loud.

Hey! That the issue most important to me! And what are your views on that issue?

Yeah, that's exactly what I think about that! It's actually a long held belief of mine I will never compromise on. Never. Once again, if you've heard anything to the contrary, it's because my idiot staff must have screwed up some statement or something. I hate that idiot staff. Still, I don't want anyone to feel bad, so I'm not going to make a big fuss about people believing I have a view different than yours. You understand, don't you? That's why when the issue came up for a vote, I voted "Present." But know that my view is really just like yours, so you should vote for me.

So what do you think about the Iraq War?

That's what I think! It's been a long held belief of mine I've never compromised on. Some people have interpreted my view as different than that, but it's really been just what you said all this time. It's so great we agree on everything! Aren't you going to love voting for me?

You don't believe me yet? But we're so alike! What's your favorite color?

Wow! That's my favorite color! If you read somewhere that my favorite color was something other than that one, that's once again just my stupid staff screwing things up. Oh! I hate my staff so much! They're always making it seem like I don't agree with you! But I totally do agree with you and you should vote for me.

Aren't you so excited to have a politician who agrees with you on everything? Won't it be great voting for me? I'm a new politician. I bring hope and change and viewpoints exactly like yours. But, once again, we need to keep that last part secret. We don't want my newness scaring people away. So, I hope you'll vote for me and not for that McCain who disagrees with you on stuff. What a stupid, old politician. But don't tell him I said that; he might hit me.

Barack Obama is a U.S. Senator from Illinois who has many firmly held beliefs and loves play with those rubber super bouncy balls. Those bounce crazy!
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