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I need some advice

9K views 29 replies 20 participants last post by  Jesse 8 
#1 ·
So I'm postin this here because I got into a pretty big arguement with my (female) friend about my firearm. I recently turned 21 and my permit came in the mail mid october. My friend recently moved back into town and is new to me carrying. She tolerates it well enough when it's just us but last night we had a text arguement about how me carrying pertains to her sister (who is Eight). As a result of our opposing views I have now been banned from seeing her family anywhere outside of their home which she allows because I disarm there as required by law. She was left with the opinion that I care more about my firearm than her sister and family because I refuse to disarm if I were to meet them in a public place. I asked her what she was really scared about after telling her that statistically speaking she and her family were safer for my being aound while armed, and explaining that I was taking my first (of many) formal training classes this coming april. Her only responce was to ask me if I wanted her sister to be afraid of me if she found out I was carring. I then cited cops and military personel, but they're different in her eyes. One more thing of note....she and her family are from California. So that's not exactly the best sitauation. But I've taken her shooting and she's just fine with guns in a "target practice" setting. Do you gals see any way of changing her mind, or mistakes that I made in dealing with her? Or has that ship pretty much sailed? Thanks for taking the time to read this and for your responces, if I've missed anything please feel free to ask!
 
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#3 ·
My friends wife was totally against guns. But my friend and I would talk about them quite often around her and she finally came around. She was sort of okay with them for a while, and then someone tried to break into her home when she was alone. She then let us take her shooting. Now she buys guns for my friend for Christmas. :D
It took her probably a year for her to tone down her anti view, but she is cool about them now.
My suggestion is to not push it. Stand your ground though. Carry wherever you can. That's what we did with my friends wife. She thinks it's weird now that people are anti.
 
#4 ·
Get one of the instructors from UCC, gently bring up the topic of shooting, and take your girlfriend, her sister, and anyone else from the family who wants to go to a fun range outing. You can begin with safety instruction in their home, and maybe even an Eddie Eagle viewing thrown in if there are younger siblings.

Facts and truth are the best way to approach irrational fear, though they may not change any opinions even after gaining an understanding. "A man proven against his will is of the same opinion still."
 
#5 ·
Good advice so far. From a womans view point I have a few things to add based on the assumption that you would like this to be more then a friendly relationship.

1) Don't argue thru text with anyone. So many things can and are misinterpreted that it is foolish to even try. Text was not made to replace a conversation. :bang: (Mini rant over)

2) It could be a couple of things. A very real (albeit irrational) fear or she is manipulating you. In either case, I think you should stand your ground calmly and with out argument. It usually only makes people dig in deeper.

If that is how she truly feels and doesn't want to change, then you have your answer on what your future could be like. I know many men who are not "allowed" to have their gun (usually just a hunting rifle) in their own home. :disgusted: That is why I do the ladies classes to help them understand guns from a different perspective.
 
#7 ·
Kevin Jensen said:
If this is your SO, eject. :wink:
ROFL.

The best thing you can do is take her shooting. There isn't a single person on the planet that wont have fun (and have their entire opinion about firearms changed) when you shoot a brick of .22LR at some office supplies.
 
#8 ·
My wife is also Californian by birth. I just asked her what warmed her up to the idea of me carrying and her reply was "I was already married to you, so I pretty much had to accept it." As she had more chance to go shooting, she warmed up to it more and more. Get her in some ladies shooting classes. My wife attended TriciaDodge's class last month and loved it. Women need to be in an environment where they can learn without being intimidated. Same as why there are women only gyms.
 
#9 ·
RoccoRacer said:
Get her in some ladies shooting classes. My wife attended TriciaDodge's class last month and loved it. Women need to be in an environment where they can learn without being intimidated. Same as why there are women only gyms.
It is a testosterone free environment! :wink:
 
#10 ·
Dont argue with her. Calmly tell her "fine, I guess I wont be around you family anymore then". If she still wants to fight about it, punch out now, while you still can. Or suck it up and let yourself be dictated to by a woman with irrational fears. Its your choice ultimately. It really boils down to how much carrying means to you.
 
#12 ·
Hey guys, I realize it is hard to recognize, but he did post this in the Ladies Area. I am assuming that is because he wanted some female opinions. Unfortunately, our ladies are not on line as much.

Men are allowed to ask questions here and answer posts as long as they don't take over the thread.
 
#14 ·
TriciaDodge said:
1) Don't argue thru text with anyone. So many things can and are misinterpreted that it is foolish to even try. Text was not made to replace a conversation. :bang: (Mini rant over)
I couldn't agree enough! :thumbup:

If you really like this woman, take your time with her. Don't force her, "It will only push her away further". Be gentle but at the same time set limits and boundaries. For example, I acknowledge and respect your opinion, but I have changed my point of view and will continue to carry for my protection as well as others. I would thoroughly love to continue to see you but if you choose not to accept my carrying, maybe we should take a break for awhile. Put the ball in her court.

Invite her to a ladies shoot with Tricia, bring her to a UCC/OC meet, send her a link to this site, discretely set up a accidental/on purpose run in with some other CC/OC people, have her talk with someone else other than you (no offense) that is pro carry. Just a few ideas! :wink:
 
#15 ·
I am posting here because I am equally secure with my manliness and my feminine side. ;)

Try to avoid saying things like "What are you scared about", or getting defensive. Stay calm and polite about it, and be respectful of her feelings, even though they aren't completely guided with reasonable logic quite yet.

In regards to the in-laws, while you may respect their home by not carrying, carry everywhere else. Treat it no different than if you were carrying a pen, in case you had to take some notes. It certainly isn't something they even need to know about, nor does it have to be a topic for conversation. If it does come up, calmly let them know that Utah recognizes your right to carry, and your right to protect yourself or your lovely, if, God forbid, you were faced with a deadly force situation. Let them know you carry AND you train to be SAFE and PROFICIENT, so that you stand a better chance of surviving such a terrible event.

Realize it will take baby steps and time, they may not come around, but they may be able to accept it. If, in the end, they are completely un-reasonable and it causes problems, you may have a decision to make: Cut them off and put them in her purse, or kindly part ways.

Best of luck~
 
#16 ·
Well fortunately she is my ex girlfriend, so no worries there. I plan on taking her shooting, like I said she tolerates my firearm when we're hanging out. (provided I don't oc my 1911, I think that she thinks it's a power thing but I'm not positive.) I don't think she'd be ok with me leaving her at the range with one or two of my firearms to meet you wonderful ladies for the first time. We were gonna go to the meet in odgen but that didn't happen :( so hopefully we'll make it to the next one. As for a discussion about firearms in their home....not gonna happen. Her 'mom' (it's a complicated situation) is just as freaked about guns around her sister as she is. Even tho her mom does own a beretta 92f. So a shoot with the three of us is definitely possible. I just have one thought that I can't consol with...if I stand my ground and don't disarm, and miss the oppourturnity to see their family, aren't they safer for me being there even tho I would be 'naked' than if I was not there at all? Thanks again for all your advice
 
#18 ·
I said something along the lines of 'criminals aren't going to respect your gun free (jane) zone' in reference to her sister. Her response was '(jane) isn't going to get hurt. End of story.' I chose to leave the conversation shortly after that, lest it turn personal. She's living in ignorance on that point
 
#19 ·
moyler said:
I am posting here because I am equally secure with my manliness and my feminine side. ;)
:thumbup:

Also, try to understand where her fears are coming from rather then argue the stats. It is a very foreign concept to most females besides the fact that she seems overly protective of her sister. The media and society feed this fears so she probably feels that she is in the "right" as she is in the majority.
 
#20 ·
Definitely don't push the issue, but don't give in to her irrational fears, either. If you are not in a place where it is illegal to carry, carry, regardless of what her - or her family's - opinion may be. Your safety and security are responsibilities that rest on your shoulders and her opinion - no matter how informed or not - does not trump your life. If she wants you to relinquish your gun, ask her to take the spare tire out of her car and see how she reacts (don't really ask, you get the idea).
 
#22 ·
I carry a LCP, I am in touch with my femmy side too....

Sounds to me that you need to not talk about it, buy a smaller gun, and conceal better.

My MIL had a deep hatred for guns. She actually told me "shame on you" when I got my concealed. She never told me not to conceal at her place and there is no sign at the door 8) . I concealed at her place (i didn't ask) without her knowledge for two years. Then she had a "bump in the night" experience and asked me about having a gun in the house :shock: but she was afraid to have one. I said "like this?" and lifted my shirt. she :shock: . She asked to hold it, and said that my LCP was "cute". I said that I have been carrying here for two years and you didn't know it. No one got hurt, and that it was much safer than leaving it in the car all night when I stay.

Immediately after that she didn't care if I carried at her home. We even went hiking and I OC'd my full size beretta.

She bought some bear spray for the nightstand.

That was a year and a half ago. Her new hubby has a .38 and she doesn't care. Some people just need to be around them (guns) and not know it. Then when they find out that no one was hurt (my guns didn't do nuffin!) it turns them around.
 
#23 ·
A lot of great advice, I agree I wouldn't push her into something she's not ready for. Being from a very anti-gun state the belief was guns were only for police and the media reports were only negative toward guns. My husband had firearms but it wasn't until we moved to Utah that he began shooting again. I admit I was uncomfortable around guns but I didn't expect him to give up something he believed in. Eventually I started shooting with him and realized the benefits and the responsibility of self defense. One of the best things that really helped me was attending the ladies class, it's a great class that isn't just about putting holes into paper targets, it involves so much more. I think if she was able to experience a class with just women, she may have a different perspective about carrying.
 
#25 ·
Well I would like her to attend the ladies class, but she's very stubborn and I'm not sure she'll have any desire to go. I'll try and have her come to the next meet and go from there. As for a smaller gun, you gonna front me the cash for that good sir? Lol I carry a ruger sp101 with a 3in bbl as my EDC right now. I'd be tempted to buy a 3 speed holster (basically a smart carry) and just tell her I wasn't carrying around her family, but I sent her the link to that website in an effort to show her that as long as I watched what I was doing, her sister would never know I was carrying, nor would anyone else for that matter. No suprise she still had none of it. :(
 
#26 ·
Jesse 8 said:
Well I would like her to attend the ladies class, but she's very stubborn and I'm not sure she'll have any desire to go. I'll try and have her come to the next meet and go from there. As for a smaller gun, you gonna front me the cash for that good sir? Lol I carry a ruger sp101 with a 3in bbl as my EDC right now. I'd be tempted to buy a 3 speed holster (basically a smart carry) and just tell her I wasn't carrying around her family, but I sent her the link to that website in an effort to show her that as long as I watched what I was doing, her sister would never know I was carrying, nor would anyone else for that matter. No suprise she still had none of it. :(
I understand about the cash. I sold my sp101 2.25" to get the LCP because I was going to go back to school. I miss that gun (and so does the wife!) :oops:
 
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