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Dealing With Mom

9K views 25 replies 18 participants last post by  divegeek 
#1 ·
So, I got my concealed carry permit and my gun to carry, and now my mom is on my case bigtime. She hates guns and she's decided I haven't read enough "anti-gun" scriptures or something. When she found out I wanted to own a gun, she told me precisely how "unsafe" those things are and how if I really cared for my children I wouldn't put them "in danger". Every time I get excited about something gun-related and she finds out, I can expect a lecture. My mother-in-law is the same way only worse and with fewer scriptures. I feel like I can't share my happiness with them at getting my concealed carry permit. My dad is only OK with guns. He's all for 2nd Amendment rights, but finds it in extremely poor taste to actually, you know, exercise them.

If you have parents or other family members who are anti-gun, how do you deal with it? Do you just cut out that part of your life when telling them about what's new? Do they come to accept you for who you are and just agree to disagree about guns?
 
#2 ·
Well... Might not be the best advice, but I mock them openly. It's not my parents though... First I'm friendly, answer their questions, and invte them to go shoot. No one that has gone shooting with me has given me a hard time afterwards. I have had exteneded family say no. And when the subject comes up, they will give me a hard time. And I flat out mae fun of, and laught at them. And then invite them to come see me shoot. And that they can try it if they want.

My wife is gentler about it. But explains what precations we have taken, and the fact that guns don't jump out and shoot people spontaniously. She doesn't have a bad time with the antis. I do, but I egg them on.
 
#3 ·
lol @ Snowman. That's awesome.

When it comes to things that are as polarizing as firearms and gun ownership, I believe it's best to keep an open mind when dealing with those who don't share your views. Remember, the vast majority of anti-gunners are motivated by emotion and fear, rather than logic and numbers. Unfortunately, that's one of the most difficult thinks to combat in a debate, but a good thing -- in my experience -- to get across to them is this: "I understand that you don't like firearms - and that's fine. I'm not forcing you to like them. Similarly, I ask that you not force your views on me."

I've found that even the most anti-gun people can see reason (occasionally). Talking about banning things that they like can help them realize the fallacy in their mind. As an example, we all love steak, right? What if (by chance), I didn't like red meat? If I didn't like red meat, would it be reasonable to require that no one have access to it, simply because I don't like it?

My immediate family is relatively pro-firearm, but my brother married a very anti-gun Democrat (DUN DUN DUNNN!). We get along fine, but generally speaking, we just don't talk about guns -- because if we do, it can turn in to quite the discussion.
 
#4 ·
My MIL was the same way. She actually did the finger slide thing and said "shame on you" when I went to the permit class. I openly mock her too. We know just to avoid the subject. For two years I CC'd in her house without her knowing.

Then (after the FIL died) she got scared because of a bump in the night. She asked me about having a gun. I pulled up my shirt and exposed my gun. I said "like this one that has never hurt anyone before" :mrgreen: . I told her that I had been ccing in her house for two years and no one was hurt.

Then I pushed her towards non-firearms as a means of protecting herself since she wanted a "tiny-cute" gun(AND she wanted to "scare away" an intruder). She has been comfortable with them since. She even married an ex-army guy that has a gun in the house.
 
#6 ·
My mom just about had kittens when she found out that I had my first permit and was regularly carrying a gun. She explicitly banned me from bringing a sidearm into her home.

Seven years later, she's settled into a calm acceptance that if I'm around, I'm 99% likely to be armed. The key to it all was to be the same guy she'd raised and known all those years, and to spend my days proving that I was man enough for the responsibility.

And in the meantime, feel free to share all your cool gun geekery and finds with us here!
 
#7 ·
Lokidude said:
Seven years later, she's settled into a calm acceptance that if I'm around, I'm 99% likely to be armed. The key to it all was to be the same guy she'd raised and known all those years, and to spend my days proving that I was man enough for the responsibility.
I think my mom would have kittens if I ever proved to her that I was man enough for anything, LOL! I wonder how I can prove to her that I'm the same person she raised though. She hasn't exactly been keeping track of recent developments in my life. She decided she didn't want to hear about the bad part of my life, so she missed approximately 50% of the last half dozen years of my life. And now that the happy 50% of my life is about half about guns, she'll be missing an additional 25%. I honestly don't think she has any idea who I am anymore, 'cause I'm sure not the kid I was when I left home for college. For one thing, I'm finally mature enough to take responsibility for my own safety...
 
#8 ·
I guess the first question I would ask is.... do you live in your moms house, or in your own ? If you live in her house still, then she has a certain right to determine if guns are kept in the house or not. If you live on your own, it might be time to politely remind your mom that you are all grown up now, and capable of making decisions for yourself, and this is one of them.

If that doesnt work, you can pose this hypothetical situation to her:

Suppose you are home alone at night, and you hear someone breaking into your house. Even in a best-case scenario, you are looking at probably 10 minutes response time from the time you pick up the phone to dial 911 till a cop actually arrives. Worst case you could be looking at closer to an hour. If you've already heard someone breaking in, then they are obviously already hard at work at doing so. Assuming the burglar/rapist/murderer is not already in your house, how long do you think your door or window will keep them out ? If the answer to that question is less than the worst-case scenario for cop arrival time, then the next question is, "So weve established that the person breaking into your house will probably be successful in breaking in before the cops arrive. What are you going to do to protect yourself while you wait ?"
 
#12 ·
First off I'm not a woman, but I have a wife who is dealing/has dealt with these things.

If your relationship with your mom is already a little shaky then adding a new controversial topic to the mix won't help. Given that she isn't likely to accept an invitation to go shooting with you, try taking up an activity that you can do together, preferably something you know she will enjoy. It will give you something to talk about and will build your relationship, which is arguably more important right now than how she feels about guns. Later, once you have reestablished your relationship with her try again to invite her and your father to go shooting.
 
#13 ·
My mom is terrified of guns and was not happy when I decided to own (less happy when I decided to carry). The last time my parents came out to visit (they still live in California) the first thing I did when my mom walked into my apartment was shove a shotgun in her hands and (while she was still holding it) explain how it works and how to check that it was unloaded. I followed up with showing her how the safeties work (grip, trigger, and manual) and (still using an empty gun of course) I pointed at various things and pulled the trigger. Once she realized that my TV and computer were unscathed despite having somebody point a gun at them and pull the trigger she calmed down quite a bit. She still didn't approve of owning/carrying, but there was a clear change in her attitude.

When I was visiting them a few months later she gave me the typical argument about living in a safe environment and knowing karate (since everybody knows I can punch a bullet out of the air) and I explained (again) that I'd rather have a gun and not need it than need it and not have it. I've used this same argument on a good chunk of my extended family (almost entirely anti-gun) and pointed out police have no requirement to protect us (which is usually a huge shock). There have been a few occasions where a family member will still insist I should call 911, but mentioning police response times typically ends that immediately (as the saying goes: when seconds count police are only minutes away).

Sadly, you'll probably have to decide what matters more--your mother's approval or feeling as though you're capable of protecting yourself and your family. If it helps at all I've gone through both extremes of gun ownership (when I was a kid nobody including cops should have guns, now I think an adult is foolish if they refuse to take responsibility for their safety) so I'm evidence people can change. Worst case you can keep it your dirty little secret and with any luck you'll never have a need to use your gun.
 
#14 ·
When I got my concealed permit, and started acquiring firearms, I can say with confidence that my mom was shall we say...less than thrilled. I chalked it up to the fact that she comes from an era where women were taught to be protected and not take an active role in their own safety. I explained that I carry for the same reason I learned CPR and wear my seatbelt, I never expect to need either of them, but not having it when you need it is unacceptable. I came from an era where I learned the only person truly concerned with and responsible for your safety and success is YOU.
So I
Expressed my views and backed it up with logical reason. Showed her through example safe handling and dedication to safety and training. Not only invited her to shoot with me but (almost harassed her to go) made sure she had no excuse not to. Drilled safety before shooting and taught her to safely handle and fire the various weapons.
She came away with a different view.
Her little girl had grown up, and knows a thing or two, is responsible and careful.
She also learned her old hands cannot handle a firearm proficiently so we discussed other methods of self protection within her comfort level. Mom now is armed with hornet spray ;-) and does not hassle me about my side arm. Showing her through example and experience that safety, both mine and that of others, is my primary concern made all the difference and will only come with time and dedication to that end. Good Luck.
 
#15 ·
I love this topic!
My mom just about pitched a fit when she found out I was getting involved in shooting. She too comes from the old school line of thought that it was a man's duty to protect me, and not my own.
I went shooting with my dad a couple of times, and since then, she's calmed right down (apparenlty he reassured her of my capabilites). Now, she only get's a grimace on her face for a couple of seconds when the subject comes up. :mrgreen:
Her first argument when the gun subject came up was, "Well yes, your father has one, but he knows how to use it!" Totally floored me. Apparently, she was unaware that I hit the range regularely. Almost cracked me up.
 
#16 ·
:( Sorry guys I can't help much with this subject I guess I got lucky. The wife and I just spent 4 days down in AZ shooting with the parents, this year for my folks 50 wedding anniversary we got Dad a 22 rifle he wanted and Mom a 38 special air weight as her old Taurus 38 was getting a little heavy to carry. Yes they both have there WA and UT CC permit. Dad liked the air weight so much he traded off the Taurus for another air weight for himself. Both the wifes parents have there UT CC permit. Now the MIL and FIL trying to convert me to Mormonism is another story and some days I am sure it can be about as frustrating as an anti parent though they have backed off the last year or so. Must have finally realized there is no hope for me. :D
 
#18 ·
sarahbn said:
Well, wish me luck guys... tomorrow I'm going for the first time to visit my mom while carrying. Thanks for all the good advice!
Good luck!

Its been my experience that when people realize that carrying is something that just comes with the package, they get over it.
 
#20 ·
My uncle has been hounding me recently about carrying around my grandma's house. 'Do you REALLY think you need that HERE?' He still can't come up with a reply to 'Do you think the people at trolley square thought they would NEED their guns that day?' No. I make a habit of avoiding any situation where I think I would need a gun, but I take it just in case that 2 way shooting range decides to come my way....
 
#25 ·
My dad did ask me about our gun storage situation though, in the context of us having to lock everything dangerous or interesting away from our psychopathic 6 year old, but I think he was satisfied with my answer.
 
#26 ·
I'm also in the "lucky" camp; my mom and dad both have their permits and the only conflict we have is that I don't think they shoot enough (especially my mom) and I don't think they carry enough. My MIL isn't into guns, but doesn't have a problem with them, which is good because my FIL has a collection that can only be called an arsenal.

Anyway, what I have seen in my experience of teaching people to shoot is that a little education goes a long, long way to defusing fears. With adults, they really only take a class if they're already interested in guns, or motivated for some other reason. But I've also taught a lot of Boy Scouts and their parents to shoot, including many who really were pretty fearful at the beginning. What I've noticed in the process is that the belt-and-suspenders approach to safety that is the norm for responsible gun owners impresses people.

With that in mind, one thing to try if the subject comes up again is to explain carefully, and in detail, the exact safety precautions you take. Explain the rules of gun safety and point out that even following ONE of the rules ensures that no one can be hurt -- but that you always follow all of them, to be completely certain. Explain the purpose of a holster, how it securely keeps the gun in control and firmly attached to your body, and how it completely covers and protects the trigger. Explain the safety precautions you take at home, to ensure the gun is only accessible to you. Explain the regular practice you do, both dry fire (and the safety precautions you take when doing dry fire -- you do dry fire practice regularly, right?) and on the range. Explain the maintenance you perform on your gun, how you regularly clean it (FIRST unloading it and removing all ammunition from the area and then disassembling it, while observing all the safety rules until it's a collection of parts and no longer a gun) and function check it, to verify that its action works correctly and cannot discharge without the trigger being pressed.

In short, if she'll let you, provide in a calm, thorough manner, an explanation of all of the many things you do and know to ensure your firearm cannot harm anyone, but remains functional and ready to defend you.

Will this work? I don't know. But based on what I've seen of how peoples' attitudes change as this information is presented to them, I think it has a good chance, if she'll listen.
 
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